Warriors Of The Keyboard

During the last couple of days, I have come to realise how individuals who might not have much power in their personal lives can misappropriate their use of social media to control, bully and manipulate others. I think I knew this already, but an incident in a Facebook group for a special interest has driven the point home. In short, two women, with whom I’d been chatting in a closed group in which they are both admins, got it into their heads that my posts were somehow inappropriate. They claimed that I was ‘paying too much attention’ to one character in the show that we chat about, and that it was upsetting people. I’d been a member of this group for over a year, and nothing seemed amiss before. I’d never had any negative responses from any group members. I’d exchanged what I believed were friendly, reasoned comments about the plot lines and the individual characters, and not always about one individual as was claimed. When I did mention the character, I’d get teased about it, in an apparently good natured way. Then suddenly, yesterday morning, I discovered that I no longer had access to the group. Puzzled, I sent a private message to another group member and admin, who is also a Facebook friend, asking him what on earth could have happened.

Something was looking decidedly suspicious

My friend was told by one of the female admins that I had been asked privately to ‘moderate’ my comments (comments which I had thought fairly innocuous and light hearted) and that I had responded to the private message. But I never received any private message. Something was looking decidedly suspicious. I then discovered that I had also been blocked from the group’s ‘sister’ group, which I rarely, if ever, posted in, and blocked from a fan page, for an actor set up by one of these women. Now, anyone who knows me personally will know that whatever I write on social media, I would say face to face. I have nothing to hide. I don’t try and impress anyone. I am just myself, someone who is interested in many topics and people. Someone who enjoys exchanging thoughts, both intellectual and light hearted, depending on context.

After the initial shock of being removed from these Facebook groups without warning, in a way which to me seems like playground bullying tactics, my male Facebook friend stuck up for me and told the woman who had removed me exactly what he thought of her behaviour. He was subsequently blocked too. I reflected on this and the actions of the two (apparently colluding) women, and on what on earth might have caused them to take a dislike to me, or why they objected to my posts. I could go down the ‘it must be me’ road and metaphorically beat myself up. I could get to thinking I am awful and must come across as some obsessive weirdo. But I don’t think it’s true. Like most other people, I make mistakes, and if I thought I had unintentionally upset or offended anyone, I would be big enough to apologise. But in this instance, if I had indeed upset anyone, I had no chance to either defend myself or apologise, because I was blocked by a warrior of the keyboard. Trial by Facebook.

Anyone who reads my Facebook timeline posts will see that I am an advocate of equality, and that I am intolerant of racism, sexism, homophobia, or any other prejudice. They will also know that I am a keen writer, an MA graduate and performance poet, whose next aim is to have some work published. I am also an ardent Chelsea supporter. I make no apologies for any of my interests or beliefs. (Even the Chelsea-supporting bit!) I am led to wonder if jealousy is a factor in some of this unpleasantness of the last two days. One of these women, who had added me as a Facebook friend, said that she was also a keen writer. Without wishing to be unkind, it was fairly apparent by her Facebook posts that whilst she might be keen, she would need to develop her literacy skills if she wanted others to enjoy her work.

Difficulty distinguishing actors from their characters

I don’t discriminate against people who aren’t outwardly intellectual or academically-minded. You can’t always tell this about someone you only ‘know’ online, because intellect isn’t only measured in writing. Someone might not have had sufficient education to communicate their thoughts cohesively, but may nevertheless have the capacity for intelligent thought, if afforded further life opportunities. That said, it was remarked upon by my male friend that one of the two women in question ‘isn’t the brightest star in the sky.’ This is exemplified in the way that she seems to have difficulty distinguishing actors from their characters. But, provided anyone appears to be a kind and thoughtful person, I accept them for who they are. What I do have reservations and concerns about are when people appear to get a kick from wielding power on social media; power which they may lack in their personal lives. And that the kick they get is an emotional response to their own feelings of inadequacy.

It’s a little akin to something which happened to me when I was ten. One day, for no apparent reason, a schoolfriend simply wouldn’t talk to me. Another girl had told her not to, and she did as she was bid. I had done nothing wrong to upset my friend. Of course, as is often the case, it all got sorted out very quickly and by the end of the school day, my friend had apologised. But I still remember the hurt and puzzlement which I felt back then. Some adults, for whatever reason, have not moved beyond that level of mentality, and it is now a feature of social media groups. If someone told me I should block someone from my Facebook page, I would want to know why, and I would want to assess the situation for myself before making that decision. Just the same as if someone in my personal life told me not to speak to a mutual friend ever again. Would I just do as I was told without a second thought? Of course not. But it seems that some adults do this unquestioningly.

I won’t keep quiet just to ‘keep in’

I’ve always tried to avoid pointless spats, both on social media and in my personal life. Although, I have learnt recently, I sometimes need to speak out more in order to stay true to myself and my beliefs. In the last two weeks, I have voiced my opinions on two very important issues, racism and sexism in football. I won’t keep quiet just to ‘keep in’ with individuals who might disagree with me. But I’m not controversial for the sake of it. I don’t enjoy senseless slanging matches. I’m not jealous of anyone for what they have in their lives. I’m just grateful for what I have in mine. These last two days have reminded me that not everyone is upfront, honest and, well, nice. It is easy to be lulled into a false sense of security online, because you can’t see the facial expressions of the person you’re conversing with. You can’t tell if they are writing one thing, and saying another behind your back, because there is no body language to guide you. All you see is a comment, and and sometimes an emoticon. That’s all you have, to read a person’s psyche and get a measure of their personality and outlook.

I expect my male friend and I will probably be ‘talked about’ in the group from which we have been ousted. I wouldn’t be surprised if our names are mud, and there might be things said about one or both of us which are untrue. These women may choose to utilise their perceived power in the most venomous and vitriolic way. You could say that two people out of the hundreds I come across on social media are not worth worrying about. But when you can have your reputation sullied and you have no chance to defend yourself, it isn’t easy to turn a blind eye to the warriors of the keyboard.

© Carol Ann Wood
March 2015

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